Please Don't Clean for Your Postpartum Doula

Please don't clean for your postpartum doula.

I mean it.

One of my favourite things about postpartum doula support is that we don't have expectations of you.

When family or friends are coming over, you might catch yourself looking around the house thinking you should tidy the kitchen, put away the laundry, change out of your pajamas, or maybe even bring out the good glassware. Whatever “having people over” looks like in your house.

But your doula isn't coming over to be hosted.

We're coming into your home to care for you, not for you to take care of us. We have no expectations of your outfit, your home, or what you've managed to get done before we arrive.

In fact, cleaning up because your postpartum doula is coming kind of defeats the purpose.

Leave Me the Dishes

Are there dishes from this morning's breakfast still sitting in the sink? Maybe even last night's dinner?

And your choices were washing them or getting an extra 45 minutes of sleep?

Please choose the sleep.

Leave me the dishes. I can't wait to do them.

Now, did the baby pee on the floor? Okay, I can understand why you cleaned that one up. Lol.

But the bottles in the sink? Unless you urgently need one before I arrive, leave those too.

The laundry that's been sitting there waiting to be folded?

Listen. At my own house, I hate folding laundry. Why is this such a universally hated task?

At your house? I'll fold laundry all day.

These are exactly the little things postpartum support can take off your plate. You have enough to do without preparing your home for the person who's coming over to support you.

You Don't Need to Get Ready for Me Either

You don't need to change because your doula is coming.

If you're comfortable in your pajamas or robe, stay in them. My priority is that you're comfortable.

You don't need to shower before I arrive. You don't need to look put together. And you don't need to have a list ready for me of everything you'd like to get done that day.

And if you'd like to nap, please do.

I don't need you to stay awake and chat with me. I'll probably be chatting your baby's ear off anyway before putting them down for a nap, or babywearing while I make you some lunch.

You aren't being rude by going to sleep.

I say this, however, as someone who hired a postpartum doula myself and then... didn't nap. 🤦‍♀️

I sat in the kitchen while she made me lunch and we chatted. And while I wish I'd taken advantage of the opportunity to sleep, I also genuinely appreciated the conversation we had. It was nice chatting with someone who wasn't my baby or my dogs. Lol.

And that's kind of the point.

What Do You Need Today?

Having a postpartum doula doesn't mean you have to nap any more than it means you have to sit and chat with us.

We want you to use that time in whatever way brings you some comfort, rest or joy that day.

Maybe that's going upstairs and getting a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Maybe you'd like to go for a walk by yourself. Or maybe you'd like baby and me to come along with you.

Maybe you want to take a shower while I care for baby, then come back downstairs for lunch and a chat at the kitchen table.

Maybe you'd like to have a friend over and watch a movie while I take care of baby.

Or maybe you just want another person in the house for a little while.

There isn't a right way to use your postpartum support.

You Don't Need to Entertain Your Doula

I don't need to be entertained.

You don't need to make conversation because silence feels awkward. You don't need to offer me coffee or something to eat. You don't need to worry about whether I'm comfortable in your home.

I'm there to think about what will make you comfortable in your home.

If you'd like some entertainment, however, I can try my very best.

There is a very real possibility you'll find me dancing around your kitchen with your baby while I make lunch. It's a surprisingly effective sleep tactic. Lol.

Your Home Can Look Like You Just Had a Baby

Because... you did.

There might be bottles in the sink, laundry on the couch, burp cloths everywhere, breakfast dishes still on the table, and a half-drunk cup of coffee you've reheated three times.

We don't think twice about any of it.

Your postpartum doula isn't walking through the door to inspect your home or notice everything you didn't get done that day. We're walking through the door to support you.

So if you find yourself tidying because your doula will be there in 20 minutes, stop.

Go finish your coffee while it's still warm. Sit with your baby. Take the shower. Close your eyes for a few minutes.

Leave the dishes. Leave the laundry. Stay in the pajamas.

We'll see you soon. 🌻